Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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