I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
