and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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