Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
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