I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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