Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
