I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
