I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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