& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Randomize
