i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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