Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
