your thong is hanging out like whoa
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
