Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
