You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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