I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
