I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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