FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
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