My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
