Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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