Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
