At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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