You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
