1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
