On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize