You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
high people should be assigned attendants
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Randomize
