I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
