Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
