I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
