Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
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Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
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After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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