Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I am naked and annoyed.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
