Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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