My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Randomize
