Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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