So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
