she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
ugly people sure do ruin things
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
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