Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
