He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
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He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
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After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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