meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
