this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I think I just shit out all my problems.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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