do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
Swine flu. Run for my life!
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
