I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Randomize
