apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
