it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
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