dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
