So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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