We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
