"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
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