I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
