the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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