my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
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