i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I need to align my fucking chakras
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
