Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
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