hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Randomize
