last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
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