I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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