I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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