I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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