Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
