i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
i just google imaged poop.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Randomize
