last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
