Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Houston, we have a blender
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Randomize
