bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
