we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Randomize
