There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
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There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
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she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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