oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
