I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
My vagina is officially offended.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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