Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
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