Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
