Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
