I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
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