I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
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